brooke24ekoorb's Xanga

How Life Rolls along

Fri, 07 Aug 2009 20:41:55 GMT

beautifully. :)

Since I last wrote, so much change has come into my life. Stuff has been accelerated a bit. I thought I was lost, jaded, unsure and just confused in general.

Now, I am bathing in the grace of God. My skin is soaking, being renewed, but it goes beneath my skin.

I feel like my eyes have been opened, all over again, and I am seeing things for the first time.

My words fail, but this time, I don't give a damn.

My Poetry Book

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 03:01:09 GMT

This summer I am going to be living in Central Asia, teaching English and working with youth. The details are still being worked out, but I am really excited to see what's going to happen!!!

I put together a collection of poems, called "All Things Are Becoming New" It's 75 pages of thought provoking, encouraging original poems.

It's $10 plus shipping, and about half of that go to me, towards the funds for this summer.

To purchase it, click on the link below.

https://www.createspace.com/3371465

I hope this book is an inspiration to you, thanks for checking it out and being a part of what I am doing.

Grace and Peace,
Brooke

Life Lately

Mon, 06 Apr 2009 00:16:14 GMT

It's a new season, as always. My life is always changing and moving which is fine, actually it is necessary cause i go crazy in one place. Since the new year started, I went all over the east coast, met some amazing homeless people that changed my perspective, saw what was really possible when the Holy Spirit leads the ministry. Said Good bye to my wonderful DTS kids, whom I love so deeply, then went on my random west coast vacation. Saw my best friend in Colorado, spent time with my aunt and brother in northern Cali near San Francisco. Went down to San Diego and spent time with some more amazing people. All in all, it was an amazing trip. Besides nearly killing myself blacking out snowboarding, I went wine tasting with my aunt, played in the park with my nephew I have never met, and explored caves by the beach in SoCal. Went to my first ATF since the tour, and it was some what of a closure in the awkward love/hate relationship I have had with Teen Mania. God is good.

Now, I am in New Hampshire for six weeks. Three days a week I am taking care of a lady with Cerebral Palsy, I start tomorrow, actually. I've been editing my poetry book, it's the third and final draft, so I am hoping to have that out soon. It's terrifying and I can't believe I am actually doing it.

I going to spend all summer in Central Asia. Crazy. God has been preparing me for this, all of it.

I am in such a weird place when it comes to relationships. Marriage seems so alien. I guess cause it's so foreign to think of their being a guy actually right for me. I am not being vain, or insecure. It's just reality. I know I am not going to "settle down," and sometimes I want to, but then there is this thing in me that goes insane, and I don't know how to tame it. I have always fallen for guys who are really nice and sensitive, but part of me thinks maybe I need to be with someone a little... tougher? Stronger? I don't know. It doesnt even matter right now. What matters is, what God has called me to, and it is so strongly beating on my heart.

I think what scares me about all this, is my passion. It has never been so intense. I don't even know what to do with myself sometimes. It's like at times I can channel it into things, (hopefullly my writing) but at times, I just don't even know how to do that so I am just overwhelmed with it all.

But it's ok. God understands me, even if no one else does, even if I don't understand myself, and even if no one ever really will. I don't know.

I am going to be 24 soon. I have always wanted to be 24. I have always imagained it being my prime age, like when the best stuff happens. Luckily, I have aloud what I thought of as "best stuff" to change.

I am not cut out to be some suburban house wife.

I need to be out there, with the dirty and dying people. I come alive on the mission field. Lately I have been thinking, maybe it wouldnt be bad to be like a Mother Teresa. Just completely devote my life to live with the rejects of society and love them and learn what love is from them. That's what I want right now.

I want to leave everything and go to Krgzstan and have a group of girls I teach english too that I just mentor and love on. I want to write songs and be able to play my own music.

I want people to read my poems and see God a new way.

Man, I wasn't expecting all this too come out. That's what happens when I just let go and start typing. It's so healing for me. I haven't had a laptop since September and it's been hard... but, in a few days, I am gettnig a Macbook in the mail!!!!!

So, random post, mostly for sentimental little me that reads xanga like a journal... I love clicking back to see my posts from 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 years ago... It's amazing how you grow up, yet you are still learning the same lessons... in a new way.... I love life.

Video

Mon, 19 Jan 2009 03:53:34 GMT

The year of new beginnings

Sun, 04 Jan 2009 19:11:16 GMT

I cannot even believe where God has taken my life this year. I am amazed. I know that nothing was me. I did nothing in my own strength. I cant brag about any of this. Its been painful, but I have been more alive, more myself then anytime in my life....

I began all over this year. Began with dancing round a fire next to Mineola Lake.
I went to China and God completely redefined Himself. I came face to face with Grace in that hotel room on Gulou street. Everything I ever knew was changed. I would read my bible and sob, throw it across the room and cuss because I was hit with the fact God really nothing but love and its not to good to be true. I taught english. I fell in love and my heart became more alive then ever. I wrote songs and they were put to music. I sang in front of people. I walked alone streets of China at night with no fear. Somehow, I backpacked across the whole country. I had two new years. Sat on the roof alone watching the most amazing fireworks of my life.

I learned to "Say all the things that I really want to say." I had an amazing group of friends- the Fruitdale Socitey. We discussed life and trippiness and watched documentaries about conspiracyand quantum phyics. We drank wine on the lake dock and looked at the stars. I experienced heartbreak and healing. Walking down the road in red tights. I finally realized I am free from fear and rejection.

I edited hours and hours of footage. Rewrote a script many times. Relived all the memories of China over and over. I built a website and conqured my fear of technology.

I went to an apache reservation. Drove through the mountains of Malibu blasting Coldplay with Melissa. Stood face to face with the homeless and hopeless on skid row. Interviewed people on Hollywood bouldvard.

Preached at a school in El Salvador and saw God bring revival. Covered myself in black sand.

Took a road trip from Nashville to Colorado with my best friend. Got my nose pierced. Changed. Grew confident. Found balance.

Started staffing DTS. Got picked on. Found healing and freedom. Had dreams. Learned patience.

Took photos for a conference in Costa Rica. Crossed a broken bridge. Changed plans. Cried alot. Rejected being a leader then embraced it. Interviewed flood vicims and lost the footage. Lived in two villages. Lay on the beach in a hippy tourist town. Stayed in sketchy hostels. Backpacked with Amanda. Spent Christmas in a Kuna Indian village. Fell in love with people there, my life. Surrendered again.

It's really been the best year of my life, but I know this is not something out of the ordinary. This is my life and I am truly blessed.

Tattered White Flag
My Muscles are weakened by atrophy
yet this is the most hopeful catastrophy
I cant fight anymore
now hands are feeble like a newborns
barely grabbing your thumb
instead of gripping a gun
Cause I am done fighting you
done trying to stake claim over fields of my heart
I never owned in the first place
the soils dry but in time it will soften with rain
that falls from my own suffering and pain
The bloody battles finally over
I stake a white flag in the ground and surrender
Cause these lands have been occupied by rapists and thieves
disguised as gentlemen and royalty
But you, you fought violently for me
to bring back peace for the sake of peace
to bring back freedom so I could be free
the wind is stirring up scents of new things
it rustles the tattered white flag gently
Whats gonna happen next, I dont know
but I know from these blood stained fields
flowers are gonna grow

Rage against Bondage

Sat, 22 Nov 2008 19:07:12 GMT

There’s a rebellion necessary for life.

A gripping, gritty, bloody freedom to fight for.

(it’s mess)

Yet, it isn’t in the sense of fighting the world has.

In hate, in division, in brutality.

This is the fight of a pine tree to push its way out of the ground.

This is the fight of a baby to get out of the womb, to breathe his first breath.

(it’s nothing but neat)

We must embrace this rebellion: the push, the fight, the difficulty, even the rage.

Yet, this isn’t the rage of the world:

Rage In selfishness, in bitterness, in pain.

This is the turning of the tables, the screaming of the truth, the standing in a silent infiltrating rage,

Of refusing to be moved, to be shaken, to be wrapped in shackles once again.

This is the kicking down of brothel doors, the holding a lepers hand and refusing to let go, the singing hopeful songs in the darkness.

This is the rage of refusing to be in bondage, of refusing to see your brothers and sisters in bondage.

This is the spark in the eye of our Lord, our freedom fighter, our passionate lover who in rage against our bondage, bled till He was an unrecognizable mess, knocked out death with one blow,

So now He rebels against the system of this world, gives us our first breath, shouts on behalf of us, sings over us, stands for us, ripping off chains with His bear hands so He could hold ours,

Because He has to have us.

Leaving for Central America

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 03:20:46 GMT

There will never be a savior on Capital Hill

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 04:29:32 GMT

t's kind of humorous to go and read people's doom and gloom status' on facebook, now
that the election is over.

Mostly, cause most of the people are Christians.

Apparently, Obama must be the Anti-Christ.

NOW, we are all screwed.
NOW, this wonderful, patriotic, proud Christian nation is going to hell.

Um, does anyone else see this as kind of humorous?

Apparently, When Bush won, it was because Jesus was blessing the nation,
saving us from all kinds of evil. Bush was pro-life, so all those babies lives were spared,
right?

Apparently, now we are all going to burn, because our hope is in our government and whoever comes to sit in the oval office, determines the quality of our lives, the education of our children, the violence on our streets, and the amount of bloodshed in sterile rooms and foreign fields.

(Humanity cries "Somebody save me!" and they've always looked to the hierarchy of power to try to find that salvation.)

I don't know about you, but Obama is not going to change my life. I don't know the guy, and I don't plan on getting to know Him.

He is not going to keep me seeking God, from loving people.

He is not going to keep me from going into the world,
from loving the orphans and homeless.
from seeing the beauty in life
or creating
or hoping
or dreaming.

The kingdom of the world says that life comes from the top and trickles down.
It's all about the politics and the economics and the consumerism and the power and the selfishness.

But the kingdom of heaven is small. tiny. precious. insignificant to the world. Small acts of mercy and grace. Fighting injustice through prayer. Working in the opposite spirit.
THAT is when change comes.

Its EASY to go to the polls, check a box and think you are doing something noble like saving babies lives.

It's quite another thing to befriend a troubled pregnant teen and spend months, energy, and tears loving and counseling her.

Frankly, maybe this is just what the church in America needs-a wake up call.

This countries been on the fast track of sin and selfishness for years, no matter how wonderful or sucky the president is.

Let's stop whining, and start being the church, ok?

Stories of the Garden

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 23:18:44 GMT

They sat around the flickering fire, silent in grief.
The mother of all people rocked one of the young ones,
wrapped in a dirty sheep skin.
The moon hung low, smiling on the barren dark ground.
Adam stared into the fire, mesmerized at the dancing reds and oranges.
His daughter, who was almost a woman, sat beside Him.
He saw the tears slide from her eyes, and put his arm around her.

"God will take care of Cain." He offered, knowing no words would
console the deep pain.

Two sons they had lost on this side of paradise.

His younger boy came out of the shadows and stood looking
at His family. You could hear the sadness in the stillness.

Suddenly, the boy broke the silence.

"Pa, tell us a story. From the time before, long ago."

Adam was quiet for a moment, as images began to whirl through His mind.

He swallowed, and began to speak of the time, long ago.

He spoke of meadows covered in flowers, of jumping in waterfalls and swimming with dolphins
in the ocean. He talked about running to the edge of a cliff to look over at a valley, green with two rivers flowing into a brilliant sunset. He reminisced about riding the back of the golden lion, climbing great trees and swinging on vines, of laughter and fullness and not being alone in any of this. The children giggled with he got to the part about trying to think of names for the animals, how it took him two hours to think about a proper name for the rhinoceros, because he was so funny looking.

When he got to the part about walking out of a deep slumber to find his lover standing before him, He walked over to her and put his hand gently on her shoulder. "I thought I knew what beautiful was," He spoke softly, "Until that moment."

Then his wife joined in the storytelling. She spoke of playing hide and seek with the tiger and making a hammock out of giant leaves, of eating delicious vegetables and feeling satisfied.

Then came the part the children knew was coming. Regret filled their parents voices and they could barely of the ultimate deception and disobedience, that led to such shame.

"... And then we were banished." Adam whispered, as his wife began to weep.

Their young boy came up to him and looked up at him questioningly.

"Papa. Will we ever go back?"

A deep, familiar yearning filled Adam's heart. He knew the cost of the decision they had made. He knew the reality of the world now- the field stained with his own sons blood was a symbol of it. Yet, inside he had a flicker of hope. In the telling of these stories, he began to relive a hint of the innocence he had once known.

"Yes, son. Someday we will go back."

Your Existence Gives Me Hope

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 15:39:00 GMT